(continued from last post)
Onyx - I want to give you the biggest shout out of the night. And I have any number of reasons for doing as such. I want to first off say however, that I am going to speak my mind. Because for a thread like this it deserves to be open, and to be the truth. I am not going to hide behind my feelings in this thread. I'm sorry if this offends you... or makes you mad at me. It is not how I want it to be taken.
For anyone that met Onyx, you probably saw some amazing characteristics. She is fun loving, free spirited, happy, and one of the most amazingly beautiful Kandi Kids you might ever meet. Her soul is just as amazing as any other part of her. The whole package to some degree is perfection at it's best.
I want you to know that I love you. I know that you already know this, but once again it needs to be said. I truly wish that I could go back into time and correct the past. I would give anything for that opportunity. But I don't have any choice but to push on with the future. Hopefully one day I will be able to prove myself to you again.
I want you to know that I am incredibly happy that I was able to give you the most amazing night of your life. In some ways I hope that nothing will ever come close to comparing. I mean you deserve the very best, and deserve to have amazing things happen to you. I just want this to be untopable though. It makes me feel good knowing what I was able to do for you. Of course, if I ever get the chance to top it in the future, that's okay.
I did this for you... and I am glad that I was able to share it with you. A part of me that was dead because of the down fall of the Utah scene, got rekindled at this party. I want to be a better person. I want to teach new Ravers responsibility, and help them become really good people. I want to take people in and take care of them. I want to give back to the Utah scene, some thing it gave to me a very long time ago. I have my mind set... I just don't know how much I will be able to do by myself. But if I believe enough, anything is possible.
So, in away this night was definitely for me as well. I had the night of my life. The vybe was incredible. The only downfall of the night was the slight amount of depression. Things just went down hill for awhile that night. Part of the reason I haven't told you, is that I saw so many happy Kandi Kid couples, and it made me wish that I could be with you. I miss the way we once were. Two of the happiest and most in love couples in the scene. I wish I could have that back.
If we ever go back to Hulla, I hope that we are together when it happens. I know it would be that much more amazing with us.
I am letting you go for now. Find your wings and fly where ever you have to. And if things are meant to be, which I hope that they are. One day I will be able to make you incredibly happy again, and we can have a chance for the infinite future.
Once again... I love you... and I wish you the best for everything. You are truly amazing... and I have never doubted it. You're perfect in my eyes!
Oh... and by the way... I truly love HHC now. I'm glad I was able to experience it with you. I needed to get away from Salt Lake, and I am glad this is where we went. We can both grow from here, and I'm sure that we will.
Kids... keep on dancing... keep it real... and keep faith in your scene. The moment I get my finances straightened out, I will definitely be out there again dancing beside each of you.
For any of you that I didn't get the chance to meet. I can only hope that I have the chance next time round.
You are a big part of my life now... if you will keep in touch until I can be there again. I love all of you and what you represent. My love for your scene is amazing... and I miss you all already.
Much Love,
~CrEaMy~ Matt
P.S.- If any of this doesn't make sense, or whatnot. Its because it is now 4:13 am, and I am really tired.
I couldn't sleep before... then when I was writing this, I got tired. But I had to finish. Lots of Love and PLUR to all of you kids.