My post-AGT thoughts
 

The last Hulla. There's just too much to say.

When I first got into raving, I was so excited about the whole thing. I believed we were going to change the world. I remember making an animated PLUR icon for my website. What we were doing was truly important.

I met Frolic online between the first and second Hulla parties, and I moved up to Toronto in time for the first-year anniversary party. I was thrilled to be a part of this because this, I felt, was really a way to change things. We were going to make the world a better place!

Over the next few years I gradually lost that sense of wide-eyed wonder and excitement. I realized that for many people the rave scene wasn't about improving the world, it was just a place to dance (and for some people, just a place to do drugs). I became disillusioned.

But then I found something happening over the past two years or so - really, since we moved to the Opera House and began throwing smaller parties. I began seeing that the people attending our parties were there because they cared about Hullabaloo and wanted to be a part of it. Although I still felt frustration and anger every time somebody was outside the venue puking because they'd overdone it, I started to understand that for many people, what I considered to be the spirit of raving was still alive. We still had the potential to make the world a better place.

What I know now is that we accomplished that. We didn't end a war or find a cure for cancer or do anything dramatic; but we did a lot of small things. All of us, together, we accomplished a lot of little things. Every time somebody met someone at a Hulla who would later become their best friend, their world was changed for the better. Every time someone was hurting and found solace at one of our parties, their life changed in a positive way. We know of at least five marriages that have occurred after the couple met at a Hullabaloo; and we know of at least two babies. Those are unique individuals who would not exist as they are if their parents hadn't had a chance meeting at one of our parties. The world is forever changed because of that.

There are so many people who have found comfort in our parties after tragic events in their lives, or healing after painful experiences. There are so many people who were lonely who found friends at one of our events, so many people who felt isolated and then found somewhere they felt they truly belonged. All of their worlds were changed for the better, and when you change one person's life, it has a ripple effect on everyone that they touch.

That, more than anything else, I think is the legacy of Hullabaloo. We have touched people's lives, given them hope and fun and the experience of joy. Our partiers have been able to, for a few short hours, live in a world where they can be their true selves; their best selves, the side of their personality that is open and loving and genuine. We keep those selves hidden in our everyday lives for fear of scorn or vulnerability, but every time we can safely share that side of ourselves, it makes us better people. And I have the pleasure of knowing that for tens of thousands of people, we gave them a place to be who they really are.

In the end, though, we were only a small part of the magic. We gave you a place; but all of you were the ones who decided to take us up on the offer and share yourselves, your warmth and laughter and energy, with us and with each other. You were the ones who came out and danced your asses off, handed out hugs and bracelets and friendship, and made the soul of Hullabaloo what it was. Without you, it would just have been some DJs playing to an empty room.

For me, there was a bittersweetness to the entire night of All Good Things. Every time I crossed a name off my will-call list I was aware that this was the last time I'd ever be doing that. Every time I stopped to take a picture with a raver I was aware that this was the last night that I would be asked to pose for a photo. Every time I greeted a familiar face in line I knew that this would almost certainly be the last time I'd ever see them. When I danced with Donny and Frisky, shouting song lyrics at each other, I knew this was it: this routine we've done so many times before was going through the final rendition.

It was a constant thought: This is the last time Friendship Crew will hand out whistles. This is the last time people will wave me over to tell me how much Hullabaloo means to them. This is the last time people will be giving me bracelets. This is the last time I'll see a Friendship Crew person put the N stamp on a newbie's face. This is the last Hulla costume I'll ever wear. This is the last time I'll ever put a wristband on a DJ's arm prior to letting them into the party. All the tiny little things I do seemed to take on an importance, a meaning that I had never felt for them before. When it's the last time you're ever going to do something, even something insignificant feels precious.

The night seemed to pass both exhaustingly slowly and shockingly fast. I was caught between my sorrow at seeing Hulla end and my relief that this is finally drawing to a close and we can move on to the next chapter in our lives. Hulla takes a lot out of us both physically and emotionally, and there is a certain sense of relief in having that over; but at the same time, Hulla has always given so much in return, and it was painful to know I'd never feel that again, never share in that incredible outpouring of energy and happiness.

I wish I could magically make you all feel what I felt when I stood onstage while Shooting Star was playing. I looked out over a packed crowd, hands in the air and candy-braceleted wrists everywhere, watched you all cheering and crying and whistling and living in that moment, and I knew that this was the last time I would ever stand onstage and see that. I waved our photographer over and asked him to stand next to me and take a picture. He said, "I'll go behind the DJ booth and get you and Chris in it too," and I said, "No, right here. I want it to be exactly what I'm looking at right now." He took the photo, stood there for a few seconds, and then said reverentially, "Wow." And I knew he understood why I wanted that photo, why I would always want to remember that moment standing there, feeling a sense of loss so great I thought my heart would break, but also feeling gratitude and awe and love just as intensely.

That, for me, will always be the defining moment of All Good Things. Standing onstage, looking at all of you, feeling the pain and joy and awe of that moment. It was one of the most profound moments of my entire life, and I can't even imagine how much more poignant it must have been for Chris. Although I have had the privilege of sharing in the experience, in the end Hulla has always been and always will be Chris' baby.

I am so very grateful to have been a part of Hullabaloo, and I am grateful that I was there to experience that, and that many of the people I love were there to share it with me. I am happy that we were able to have a final party like that, to give Hulla the amazing, awe-inspiring, incredible ending it deserved. I am glad for all the newbies who got to experience the magic of Hulla; even though it was only for a single time, I've no doubt they'll carry the memories of that one shining night with them forever. I am especially thankful that so many of you supported us over the years, through both the good years and the difficult years, and chose to be with us for the end.

I was there, and all of you were there, and we were there together, all of us together in that moment, and that is what I'll always remember.

robin... as usual your articulate self has put this night into words perfectly..

i too will never forget this... and was definately one of the kids crying and waving at u ... when they dropped that song... u know how i feel about u, chris, hulla, the whole bit... and again... as posted in my review... WOW...

thanks robin... i love u

game, set, match
i don't think it could be summed up any better

kudos robin... kudos

i have one word to say... (wow) thanx for a great nite...

starting to cry now..that was very well written robin ;)

tryin to hold my tears when i readed that too.... this weekend was something else... more then a party... because as we all been sayin.. we are making history... and we wouldnt forget what were doing on this special nite...

I am crying, because you and Chris and Hullabaloo, DID change my life, Big Top was my first rave and I've spent the last 6 and a half years going to hulla, missing only one in that time ( I was so sick I couldn't get out of bed and I still tried to sneek out of the house to go, I got caught by my mom, embarassingly I was 21 at the time I should have known better). But thats it, Hulla has been a huge part of my life, I'd go so far as to say I wouldn't be the person I am today if it weren't for Hulla. Thank you so so much.

^^^ exactly.

definitely crying now, as i was then. sobbing, front and center. hulla has affected my life immensely, and definitely for the better. i'm dumbfounded when i think of how much has changed for me in the past year, and i only wish i had started raving earlier so it could have been longer. what an amazing thing you have done. thank you so much.

Agt
 

I held Back on crying all night thinking maybe once I got home I forget that it was really happening, but reading that did make me cry HUllA is really gone.

But at the same time I happy I got to experience just a few times Because it really has changed my life it gave me a reason to live when I didn't want too and even gave me Hope on the Rave scene when everthing started to get really shady.

Nothing In the world can ever beat the vibe At HUllA.

ok so i read that ... and just when i thought i couldnt cry anymore over hullabaloo....im crying again

best funeral i've ever been to.

^^ Im with Janine..

Crying my face off has been a regular thing for me since Saturday night... every time i read a post like this one.. OH ROBIN... I just start the waterworks again.

I kept thinking the same thing .. which is why i kept crying

This is the last time we'll ever untie whistles... The last time I'll ever Newbie stamp someone.. The last time I'll ever get a picture of Chris spinning at Hulla... The last time Robin will give me a wristband and roll her eyes at how many I need for the F.C

You're so right tho Robin..All good things was bittersweet.
I cried because I was sad and because I was ecstatic at the same time.

A night to remember... Forever.

Kris*

tried not to cry while reading it and i had to stop at one point because the screen was to blury
Robin i would like to once again thank you, your husband and everyone else that had anything to do with Hulla...i owe so much to all of you
Frolic your music, you brought me a wonderful three year relationship, with an amazing man and from it i have two beautiful children, we have since seperated, but are still friends and will always be hopefully, and also before attending my first hulla i became a member of your boards and as alot of you may know, i was re aquainted with someone i went to high school with and again couldn't be happier if i tried

Thank you all of you so much for everything.

There you go. You had to get me crying again with your post.

When shooting star played i couldn't help but to cry. Not because i was sad, because in that moment i wasn't. I was happy, grateful, and in total awe. The power in that moment was amazing. I was just behind the dance floor. When I look at the video clips I took in those moments, i think every hand on the dance floor was high in the air. The noise from the crowd was so loud that my ears were still ringing 2 days later. Absolutely amazing. That night and all of the Hulla parties will go down as times that I am truly grateful to have had the opportunity to experience. Thank you Robin, Chris, and everyone else who made these moments so special.

You're way to good at making us all cry Robin. Even tho the tears are a great combo of incredible happiness to have been there and just plain sadness that its over. I only got to attend two Hulla's. I didn't get into the scene til last year.

I know a few songs in particular made me ball my eyes out when I heard em play.

You really looked like a princess on Saturday. Very appropriate I must say.!! ^_^

I'd have to think that you and Chris out of everyone have the most memories of Hulla but I'm glad we all got to share in those precious moments with you two.

Lots of love to you both. <33

the end of hulla, was sort of like a highschool graduation...its was sad, and the slideshow of everyones happiest times was amazing...I wish my younger brother got to be a part of it..

i've spent the last 3 days trying to sum up my last 6 years of hullas....

and now i find i don't need to, because everything that i've been struggling to articulate, you've done with a personal poignancy that makes me want to break down (again) - I had to sit down halfway thru Shooting Star and Heart of Gold... my legs simply couldn't bear the weight of my emotion, and the emotions of all those people around me... but even then, I remember clearly thinking "Yes. If you have to go out.... this is the only right way, the fitting way, to do it." Looking around at those faces, so few of whom I know anymore, I am reminded of all those I did know, and saw them again, briefly...

thank you

and i think we all felt it, newbies and "those of us who are really to old for this sort of thing" - the knowledge that this time, when we walked outside after the lights came up, the sun would never go down again

if you want to imagine a future, imagine a boy and his dog and his friends. And a summer that never ends. and if you imagine the future, imagine a sneaker, laces trailing, kicking at a pebble; imagine softly smiling lips, and pleasures had and shared; imagine a handful of flyers and sadly bedraggled pants, ragged and frayed; imagine a tuneless whistle, pounding some luckless song into insensibility; imagine a figure, half angel, half devil, all human... slouching hopefully down the road....

...forever

it's very much so like a high school graduation also because although something awesome came to an end, there are still bigger and better things ahead of us. It doesn't all just end here, we all now have to go and continue the legacy ourselves.

I wanted to share the picture Brian took, that I referenced in my post. I don't know if I'll ever be able to see it without getting teary-eyed.

sigh.....

the most memorable hullapic ever... and i'm in it (hooray)... wiping my face with a towel... (booooo)

Took the words right out of my mouth. So I'll just add an emphatic *nodnodnod* to that. ^_^

nothing but tears running down my cheek...........ive said this b4 but hulla meant so much to me, i'd call it my home. me and libbies first hulla was funtopia 7 after that i was hooked and didnt want the night to end but when it did i told myself that i would be back and make it an obligation to be back one way or another for the last and final year.
I did however happen to miss drift on a dream, back & forth, pacific sun either b/c of funds or a ride falling out...thats all besides the point however i made it for the final 2 hullabaloo's and i thank 2 very good friends for that pompiidou (sammy D) digitalecho(nick)
Im so glad to have experienced and become part of something so great and amazing, from meeting some of the nicest people that make up the hulla vibe to a united sing along to some of the greatest choons. I got to celebrate my hullanniversary with the girl whom I love that was even a special moment
Thank you 2 all of the Dj's far and near to hullabaloo and thank you chris and robin for the memories i guess its time to move on into the future, but thanks again it all has been very awesome!

"we are the children of the night and fight for the future of our nation lets come together and unite nothing is going to stop us now"

PLUR!!!!!!!!!!!

that pic is awesome! you can totally see me and my friends in the back on the left! We're standing on the railing in the back with our hands raised; Cory has a blue shirt, I'm in a yellow shirt, and Kristin is in an orange shirt.

rock!